So I’m Single on Valentine’s Day. What’s Your Point?

February 14, 2019|Posted in: Uncategorized

The most obnoxious people in the world, no doubt, are couples on Valentine’s Day. I’m not talking about the “We’ve-been-together-four-years-here’s-your-stale-Walmart-chocolate-now-go-away-so-I-can-watch-Netflix” kind of couples. Nor do I refer to the “We-just-met-in-a-bar-Saturday-but-we’re-sure-we’re-soulmates” type, either. Not sure either of them count.

No, we’re talking about the ones in the middle. The ones who have gotten past the first reveals of the human beings under the façade…but haven’t been together long enough for cynicism to completely beat down the entire idea of romance.

I’m not being a hater here; nothing wrong with having a day to celebrate love. Sure, it’s a corporate money-making trap, like diamonds and The Backstreet Boys, but so what? We have Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Grandparents Day, and they’re all big corporate hoo-haws, so why not a day for love? It’s great!

…unless you happen to be single…

It’s an understatement to say Valentine’s Day is unfair for those of us who are single. In fact, it’s probably the one day of the year where people seem hell-bent on proving just how pathetically single we are. You can’t even go out to eat by yourself on V-Day without feeling like you’re spoiling the restaurant’s décor.

With that in mind, I thought I’d offer up a few suggestions as to what people of the singles persuasion can do in self-defense. To wit:

  1. Don’t go looking for a partner du jour.

Oh, I get it: there’s that pressure to find someone–anyone–to be with, just so you fit in. I don’t fall for that trap. I am who I am, my relationship status is what it is (pitiful as it may seem), and sorry, marketing propaganda and pop-culture peer pressure be damned, I am too old and have paid too high a price for wisdom to be doing hook-ups at this point in my life. Would I like to have someone special? Absolutely. But I’m not looking for someone to go to bed with. If anything, I’m looking for someone to wake up with.

  1. Don’t start believing you’re unlovable.

There’s no getting around the fact that we live in a Noah’s Ark world: there is some (usually) unspoken, generally accepted belief that if you’re single, there’s something wrong. Well, guess what? No. I’m not broken, I just have specific standards. I’ve been in enough relationships that I know what works…and what won’t. Not saying I’m looking for someone who’s perfect; I’m just looking for someone perfect for ME, someone who loves me for who I am…not who I’m expected to be.

  1. Don’t read the MEMES!

Ok, for all my thoughts on finding a partner, they are MY thoughts, about MY life. There is nothing more sickening, however, than to read all the stupid-ass Facebook memes that sound like they were written either by people trying to rationalize their singleness…or by people in relationships trying to make you feel all right about being single. You know the ones I mean: “I’m not really single, I’m dating myself!” Yeah. And we can see WHY. You’re not fooling anyone.

  1. Don’t neglect the people you DO love.

If you look beyond all the overpriced roses and faux-silk Victoria’s Secret crap, V-Day isn’t really supposed to be about couples, it’s supposed to be about LOVE. Not the same thing, folks. Love is not about sitting in some romantic (read: out of your price range) restaurant and celebrating (read: going in debt) by ordering expensive (read: “This stuff tastes like PBR. With bubbles.”) champagne. Love is in those little, everyday, almost unnoticeable gestures you make to the people who mean a lot to you. You want something to do today? Go connect to the people you really love (I’ll call you later, Mom, I promise).

  1. Don’t let the morons bring you down.

Here’s my best advice: Don’t bother responding to the dips who just have to ask you what your plans are today. Sometimes people are callous, sometimes they’re just clueless, but the fact is, YOU are calling the shots here. Ad agencies and sickly sweet Katy Perry songs make a big deal out of it, but it’s all just surface stuff. You’re deeper than that…and even if you aren’t, still ain’t anybody else’s business.

The best kind of love–the only real kind of love–isn’t the stuff society pushes at you. So stop feeling sorry for yourself! Stop apologizing for being single. It may not be your ideal situation, but it’s certainly not a crime. It’s your life, your happiness, and your definition of love: as hard as it is to accept, what the world thinks doesn’t matter.

I’m not naïve. It absolutely sucks to be single on Valentines Day. But I was single yesterday, and I’m pretty sure I will be single tomorrow. In the end, today is just that: today.